What Makes Us Who We Are?

I know this is a question we all ask. The list of contributors almost always starts with family and friends. Job experiences. Travel. Pets. Children. Some people argue that we are who we are because of genetics. Others say environment. Some believe it's both. I think I'm one of those. Probably most of us are.

What makes me who I am? Well most definitely the influences of my family and friends and all those other things listed above. Like most people I am motivated to do what I want to do and have to be pushed to do that which I'm not fond of getting done.

I would say that, mostly, what makes me who I am is my heart. I am sometimes an overly emotional person. I feel too much. I show too little. Or, sometimes, I show too much. But I have a great deal of empathy which is probably what makes me good at my job. And yes, there are times when I should feel compassion and don't. Sometimes when I find it hard to forgive stupidity. And I never forgive my own stupidity. I think we all beat ourselves up the most over things WE have done to OURSELVES. I know I do.

I try to be a loving, generous, compassionate person and sometimes I fail miserably. Other times I make the grade with myself and while I'm not rejoicing over having done the right thing, I'm fairly content and glad I'm not kicking myself over it.

What makes us who we are? Can we learn from the bad and improve? We all like to think we can. I know there are some lessons I just can't seem to learn. Those usually involve setting myself up emotionally to be hurt. I seem to thrive on it. Or maybe it's just I'm so used to expecting to be hurt. So I do what I can to NOT get hurt and when it turns out that everything is OK, I'll cry out of relief. The list of people I would trust with my life, and heart, is short.

I've had positive and negative influences in my life, just like everyone. I wish I knew all of this crap when I was in my 20's. I know now how to enjoy my friends and live every day with gratitude for having it. I do not end any conversation with a family member without saying, "I love you." Those were the last words I ever said to my dad. I will never regret that.

Whatever it is that makes us who we are, we need to remember that if it's a negative influence, we have the power to change it. Even if we really don't think there's any hope of changing it. And I guess that would be one of the biggest things that makes me who I am - no matter what, as pessimistic as I might want to be, deep inside there is still hope. When the hope goes out of my life, hope for whatever it is, then I won't want to be here anymore.

For now, though, I hope. And perhaps that truly IS what makes me who I am. Perhaps.