Matt!

The Last Day of 2011

The last day of the year I usually reflect on what the year has brought into my life. It is also the birthday of my oldest nephew, Ryan, who turns 27 today.

This year was nothing at all like I had hoped. I had planned to do some changes around the house including landscaping. I got some of the landscaping done but now see a lot more needs to be done. The repairs in January and February were just enough to get the house refinanced in February to a 30 year loan. I had planned on more repairs in June. I was going to use tax refund money for that and as a downpayment on a new car.

I went to see my mom and other family in New Hampshire in May for Mother's Day. I even got to see Ally and Matt who now live in Connecticut.

At the end of May I ended up having an eye exam and found out I was in very bad shape vision-wise. I scheduled an appointment with a retina specialist.

June brought a lot of pain, physically, emotionally and mentally. I had almost $4,000 worth of laser surgery on my eyes to save my sight. It seems to have worked. I won't really know, though, because I no longer have insurance and can no longer afford to go to a doctor. Why no insurance? Because I was laid off from my job.

The nasty thing they did to me was make me work my severance, two weeks, PART TIME. Because of that and the one week waiting period for unemployment I went almost the entire month of July before I had any income. And had to wait until two days before Christmas for congress to extend the unemployment filing deadlines to get an extension. I will now have benefits through May, 2012 and by then congress should have come to some conclusion so I can get further benefits. Unless I am lucky enough to get a job before then.

In 6 months I have applied for 38 jobs. I do not apply for a job unless it pays more than unemployment since that is just barely enough to pay my bills. I have had tests and interviews and still nothing. I know some of my problem is the way I look - most places don't want a short, fat, plain lady over 50. In the beginning I was terrible at interviews and asked stupid questions. I hadn't had to interview for a job since 2001, 10 years ago. Now I'm better. I try to be more serious and direct and hopefully eventually I will get a job. I have an interview January 3rd for a job which is about 45 minutes away but it pays well and would afford commuting costs.

I believe God did this to me to bring me back to Him. To restore my faith and remind me that He is always there and will provide but I need to have faith and hope. It's worked.

I have found out who my real friends are and who really cares about me. I know that no matter what I am better off not being at the law office. It was stressful and I was not treated very well although the benefits and pay were good. It certainly didn't make up for being snarled at or sneered at or treated with disrespect and to be frank, nobody deserves that kind of nasty treatment. I did nothing wrong. And now I won't be punished for anything from them again. God slammed that door in my face for a good reason. At some point I will have a job, maybe not as well compensated financially, but I will have a job where I am treated like a human being with feelings, with respect, with decency. The joke is sadly true - what do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.

I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with Susan and her family. I had lunch with Amy on my birthday. Tammy and I email but as her duties at work increase we can't do that as often and I haven't seen her in a while. But these local friends help me stay together. My dear friend Jeannie who has known me since I was 17 sent me a Christmas present that made my heart swell and my smile wide. Torse, another longtime friend, calls to check up on me, too.

I do not have a job but I have many blessings. I have family and friends, unemployment income to help me until I find a job. God will bless me with the right job, hopefully before unemployment runs out.

I have faith and hope. I have a roof over my head, warm clothing, food in the fridge, coffee in the pot, yarn and needles and hooks to craft and a car that may look worn but works well. I have music in my soul. I have love coming in and going out. I am truly blessed. The job is the only missing blessing but I know that will come in time.

It has not been the year I anticipated. I thought turning 55 would be continuing down the path not starting over. But if this is what God has planned for me I can't do anything but go along with it and accept that He knows best. Apparently I needed some major changes and that has happened. Maybe now I am ready for the best that is yet to be. I hope so.

May 2012 bring everyone love, enlightenment, happiness and prosperity. Count your blessings every day, several times a day if you can, and remember them. Hold them in your heart and mind. And remember - even when you feel alone and unloved God is there holding your hand and loving you. Really. I know that now.

Updating and Merry Christmas!

I hope by now everyone knows that the unemployment extension for 2 months has been passed and is law! Yippie! This means, according to the unemployment department, that because it is an extension of what is already in place, when they file for my extension on January 6, 2012 I will be eligible for 20 (!) more weeks of unemployment benefits. This is time enough for congress to put together whatever schedule they're going to and I won't be out of benefits before they make a new schedule. My hope is that they keep the 99 weeks but I keep hearing it will be 79. If this is true I will have another 33 weeks past and it will take me into November, 2012 which will give me another 9 months to find a job on top of the 6 I have already had. It gives me time to wait until the sheriff's office is done and makes hiring decisions. While there is no guarantee I will be offered a job (lots of hope, though!) at least I can wait and stay living in my house and paying my bills.

I had said I would put up my Christmas tree if I had an extension or job. Well with only 2 days left I decided that hauling it downstairs then back up again in just that short time wasn't worth the physical effort. I have a beautiful little ceramic Christmas tree made by a family member which I have had out most of the month. I light it every night. I am actually thinking I will keep it out year-round to remind me of the blessing I received at Christmas this year of the extension to allow me to, hopefully, find a job before my benefits expire again.

I obviously could not buy gifts for anyone this year. I made a convertible cowl for my mother that is like a scarf that goes around her neck but you pull the back up as a hood. I had told her that would need to suffice as her Christmas present. I sent my brother, grandson and daughter $20 cash (and $20 for my grandson's 5th birthday which is TODAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATT!!). My mother had sent it to me and said that she felt bad I couldn't do anything so she wanted me to have a little money to give them so the cards wouldn't be empty. Yes, that made me cry. I probably could have done that myself. I do have a little savings set aside. I also have money put aside that was given to me for my birthday which I could have used. She didn't want me to do that. Yesterday after the good news I was visiting my friend Amy and she wanted to go to the movies. I bought her ticket and told her it was part of her Christmas present. I made a convertible cowl for a friend here who is always cold as her present, too. I made coasters for another friend. I have no money but I have yarn and can knit and crochet.

I feel truly blessed this Christmas season. I will be able to stay in my house and keep looking for a job to KEEP me in my house. I have loving family and friends. I even have some presents waiting to be opened. A friend from college who has known me for 38 years sent me a present and card so I would know I was thought of and missed. Thank you Jeannie!

I sit here this morning drinking my favorite coffee,writing this on my clunkly old computer in the warmth of a house that has my name on the deed and mortgage. I am warm within my heart. I am feeling loved and cared for and wanted. Not just by my friends and family but I feel that God has hugged me and reassured me that things will be alright.

Christmas is a season of miracles. May you have your share, too.

Merry Christmas everyone!

An Email

I sent the following email to Tom McClintock, the congressman who represents my district.

"My benefits expire January 6th. Thanks to no extension I will lose my home, be forced to move 3500 miles to live with and be supported by my elderly mother. I interviewed for a good job but the background check takes 2 months. I won't be here when they finally are able to offer me the job. I will lose everything I have worked for my whole life. All because with 35 years of experience and a bachelor's degree I could not find a job in California in 6 months in a county with a double digit unemployment rate. I'm sure you'll have a merry Christmas. I'll be preparing to leave California, my friends, my house, my belongings, my hope and my dreams. I'm a conservative Republican. Maybe that will be a positive when I move across the country. I am sorry you care more about politics than the people you are supposed to represent. As Lily Tomlin used to say as the phone lady, your response is "We don't care. We don't have to.""

(Am I angry - damned right I'm angry!)

Thank You Congress - A Very Un-Merry Christmas

This will indeed be a very un-merry Christmas for me.

First let me say thank you to the members of congress who so diligently worked to ensure that their paychecks would still be flowing at the beginning of the new year. While they sit at home with their families admiring the large stacks of expensive presents under their trees, or perhaps for some, new cars in the driveway, I will be making my own list but not for presents. I will be making a list of what few things I will be able to save out of my house before I have to turn the keys over to the bank and the rest of my belongings to friends or charities.

Next let me say I appreciate how concered the members of congress are for the millions of unemployed Americans. Yes, in an economy where unemployment is in the double digits it IS possible to get a job that pays a liveable wage within 6 months. It must be MY fault that I have no job.

Thirdly, I would like to thank congress for making me financially dependent on my 77 (to be 78 in February) year old mother in a very cold climate. I am sure she pictured the last years of her life as the sole provider for her 55 year old daughter.

Fourth, and final, I would like to thank congress for allowing a diabetic with bad arthritis and no health insurance to go live in that cold climate where within a few years I will be crippled and living in a wheelchair.

I am sorry, members of congress, that I brought this upon myself. My bachelor's degree and 35 years of work experience just aren't enough.

Please enjoy your warm homes and the food you will eat. From the beginning of 2012 and until she passes away, mine will be provided by my mother. You have created no jobs which will allow me to take care of myself. You have provided no extension of unemployment benefits which would have given me more than the 6 months California gave me to keep looking for a job.

Oh, one final thank you to congress. Because your politics were more important I cannot stay in my house long enough to find out if I will have the job I interviewed for in mid-November which needs to do an extensive background check which takes probably 2 months. I cannot wait out until you pass an extension in, what, say February? Or perhaps that will be how long before I could possibly have word on that job. By the time they try to call and offer me the job I will be gone because I cannot live on $0.

Thank you for a very un-merry Christmas members of congress. I know God will provide for me as well as my family. At least I can count on them for POSITIVE support. My thanks to you will be reflected in my voting in November. I'm sure you won't care, though. You'll still have your homes, your cars, your money in the bank and good credit ratings. You'll still have insider information to use to make even more money. And you'll still have the American dream which you took away from me.

Merry Christmas Congress and thank you. I always dreamt that I would spend the last years of my life mired in depression and poor health and dependent on family for food and shelter. You have made my dream come true.

Just Before Christmas Update

I haven't done an update lately and it's just a week before Christmas so I suppose I should write something.

No word from the Sheriff's office. Who knows how long they'll be or if I'll ever even hear from them. Asking at the county only generates a "we're working on it" response.

I had applied for a secretarial job with the Office of Education but in June I had interviewed with them for a similar job in a different department, up against only 3 other people, and didn't get the job. Probably because I stupidly asked about things like benefits and it was obvious that they did NOT want me to ask questions. So I am thinking perhaps the BCOE (Butte County Office of Education) saw I had interviewed, read the notes and will never give me another chance. I was very depressed after getting the email from them that said, "no thanks".

So basically there was nothing positive happening. I did find one job to apply for that is a half hour commute one way but pays enough to support me and the commuting. The application should get to them Monday. This is the first job in a month and a half that I could apply for that not only did I qualify for but it paid enough to live on.

Congress has extended uenmployment extensions for another two months. I believe they are using the current plan. If this is true, when my benefits run out and I get an extension it will be for 20 weeks. I am calling the unemployment office tomorrow to verify not only this but to make sure I don't have to do anything to get the extension or, if I do, what I need to do. My benefits expire January 6th.

I will spend Christmas with Susan and her family. I feel terrible that I cannot purchase Christmas presents for anyone. I couldn't do anything for Matt's birthday, either. He turns 5 on the day before Christmas. And I forgot to send his parents an anniversary card so I need to apologize for that. Their anniversary is Christmas.

My mom sent me a box with some wrapped presents to put under the tree. My dear friend Jeannie sent me a present, too! And Amy says she has something for me so I will go pick that up when I am in town Wednesday. I wish I could do something for her. She is very supportive of me through all this mess.

Even if the extension only takes me to the end of February it's something and a help. I will keep looking and applying for work.

I did not put the tree up or do much in terms of decorating. I did a small amount. I have my ceramic tree out and light it every night. My presents sit on the floor in front of the little table holding the tree. I had said that if I had a job or an extension before Christmas I would put up the big tree but my knees have convinced me that going upstairs to haul the tree down is probably not a good idea.

Oh, and here's something fun - one of the springs came off my recliner which lifts the foot rest. Hopefully my friend Alma will be here sometime to help me fix it - she said she would but she's very busy now between part time work and volunteering. I am glad she has found a way to work, volunteer, have enough income and be happy. Sure hope sometime it's my turn!

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a nice New Year. I have a reprieve for a while. Not sure if it's 8 weeks or 20 but, as I said, anything helps.

Here's hoping 2012 will bring me the blessing of a job. And good things for all!

Job Update - Still No Good News

Well nothing good seems to be happening.

I ended up in group 5 of 7 for the welfare worker job which means no interview.

I ended up tied for #6 for the typist job with the school district which means no interview.

I received a letter today from the hospital saying thanks for the interview but we're not interested.

If the Sheriff's Office says no then that's it. I think I am done here.

Update, Finally

I know I haven't posted for almost a month. There really hasn't been a lot to update but here's the latest anyway.

1. The mice are gone. It would appear everything worked. Finally.
2. There is some movement on the job search. I have applied at the local hospital but heard nothing which isn't surprising. Some of the jobs have been vacant for months. This indicates to me that the "DOE" salary designation means Dependent On Economy, not Experience, which means minimum wage.
3. This week I took a written exam for a typist job that was tougher than the test for a much more complicated job. If I do not get invited to the oral exam that wouldn't surprise me. There were at least 35 people taking the test for 25 oral exam slots.
4. This coming Friday I have an interview with the Sheriff's Department for a Correctional Technician job. This is a lot more than just a clerical job. I read the description again and there's a lot of interaction with the public, prisoners etc. which leads me to believe this is a uniformed job that is more correctional than technician. Still it is nearby and would be a good job and I think the fact I am willing to work any shift might help. I just need to make sure I am very serious and professional in the interview.
5. Wednesday of this week I will be taking a test for the welfare worker jobs the county has open. They have 33 slots. So here's hoping I do well on that. I would take that job, too. It's in Oroville just like the Sheriff's job.
6. Attitude adjustment.

OK here's what #6 is all about. I have been doing nothing but worrying about the lack of a job or extension for my unemployment. I decided I couldn't keep living in a constant state of stress. God will provide. Somehow. Hopefully with a job but in any case something will happen. So I am going along day to day acting as if something positive will happen and believing, praying, hoping and so I am not as stressed out and I am managing better. I still have periods of panic but a lot less.

The electric company has a program for the poor and low income that reduces the rates they are charged (I believe it's a 20% discount). Well there is an agency here which provides energy efficiency upgrades for people on that program. They came and added energy efficient lightbulbs everywhere and a few next fixtures. They will be replacing my kitchen door, weatherproofing the front door better (they don't like how it is now even though I paid to have that fixed in January). They will probably put foam behind the outlets and light switches like they did at Alma's house. Anyway, whenever they schedule (which I hope is soon) it will be good.

So far I have no plans for Thanksgiving. Usually I go to Susan's parents' house in Gridley but I won't go without an invitation and I haven't gotten one yet. I know that usually it's implied but I've not been invited to a lot of stuff by them over the past year so I don't want to intrude. I will mention something to Susan next week but I don't want her to feel she has to invite me if she doesn't want to. I expect to be alone on Christmas. Just like my birthday. And every other holiday. Just me. My friends have family and plans. I don't expect them to include me. And I don't want an invitation out of pity. I choose to be alone, for the most part. Well circumstances make it that way, too.

I see friends fairly often. That helps keep me going. Emotionally it's hard to not work, to not make a contribution, to not feel necessary to anyone. But at some point I will get a job or I will move in with my mother and either the job or Mom will need me. I am not worrying about it. Somehow I will get through all this, right God?

I'm a lot luckier than a lot of people. I remember that and count my blessings daily. Life could always be worse (and has been in the past).