The Last Day of 2011
The last day of the year I usually reflect on what the year has brought into my life. It is also the birthday of my oldest nephew, Ryan, who turns 27 today.
This year was nothing at all like I had hoped. I had planned to do some changes around the house including landscaping. I got some of the landscaping done but now see a lot more needs to be done. The repairs in January and February were just enough to get the house refinanced in February to a 30 year loan. I had planned on more repairs in June. I was going to use tax refund money for that and as a downpayment on a new car.
I went to see my mom and other family in New Hampshire in May for Mother's Day. I even got to see Ally and Matt who now live in Connecticut.
At the end of May I ended up having an eye exam and found out I was in very bad shape vision-wise. I scheduled an appointment with a retina specialist.
June brought a lot of pain, physically, emotionally and mentally. I had almost $4,000 worth of laser surgery on my eyes to save my sight. It seems to have worked. I won't really know, though, because I no longer have insurance and can no longer afford to go to a doctor. Why no insurance? Because I was laid off from my job.
The nasty thing they did to me was make me work my severance, two weeks, PART TIME. Because of that and the one week waiting period for unemployment I went almost the entire month of July before I had any income. And had to wait until two days before Christmas for congress to extend the unemployment filing deadlines to get an extension. I will now have benefits through May, 2012 and by then congress should have come to some conclusion so I can get further benefits. Unless I am lucky enough to get a job before then.
In 6 months I have applied for 38 jobs. I do not apply for a job unless it pays more than unemployment since that is just barely enough to pay my bills. I have had tests and interviews and still nothing. I know some of my problem is the way I look - most places don't want a short, fat, plain lady over 50. In the beginning I was terrible at interviews and asked stupid questions. I hadn't had to interview for a job since 2001, 10 years ago. Now I'm better. I try to be more serious and direct and hopefully eventually I will get a job. I have an interview January 3rd for a job which is about 45 minutes away but it pays well and would afford commuting costs.
I believe God did this to me to bring me back to Him. To restore my faith and remind me that He is always there and will provide but I need to have faith and hope. It's worked.
I have found out who my real friends are and who really cares about me. I know that no matter what I am better off not being at the law office. It was stressful and I was not treated very well although the benefits and pay were good. It certainly didn't make up for being snarled at or sneered at or treated with disrespect and to be frank, nobody deserves that kind of nasty treatment. I did nothing wrong. And now I won't be punished for anything from them again. God slammed that door in my face for a good reason. At some point I will have a job, maybe not as well compensated financially, but I will have a job where I am treated like a human being with feelings, with respect, with decency. The joke is sadly true - what do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with Susan and her family. I had lunch with Amy on my birthday. Tammy and I email but as her duties at work increase we can't do that as often and I haven't seen her in a while. But these local friends help me stay together. My dear friend Jeannie who has known me since I was 17 sent me a Christmas present that made my heart swell and my smile wide. Torse, another longtime friend, calls to check up on me, too.
I do not have a job but I have many blessings. I have family and friends, unemployment income to help me until I find a job. God will bless me with the right job, hopefully before unemployment runs out.
I have faith and hope. I have a roof over my head, warm clothing, food in the fridge, coffee in the pot, yarn and needles and hooks to craft and a car that may look worn but works well. I have music in my soul. I have love coming in and going out. I am truly blessed. The job is the only missing blessing but I know that will come in time.
It has not been the year I anticipated. I thought turning 55 would be continuing down the path not starting over. But if this is what God has planned for me I can't do anything but go along with it and accept that He knows best. Apparently I needed some major changes and that has happened. Maybe now I am ready for the best that is yet to be. I hope so.
May 2012 bring everyone love, enlightenment, happiness and prosperity. Count your blessings every day, several times a day if you can, and remember them. Hold them in your heart and mind. And remember - even when you feel alone and unloved God is there holding your hand and loving you. Really. I know that now.
This year was nothing at all like I had hoped. I had planned to do some changes around the house including landscaping. I got some of the landscaping done but now see a lot more needs to be done. The repairs in January and February were just enough to get the house refinanced in February to a 30 year loan. I had planned on more repairs in June. I was going to use tax refund money for that and as a downpayment on a new car.
I went to see my mom and other family in New Hampshire in May for Mother's Day. I even got to see Ally and Matt who now live in Connecticut.
At the end of May I ended up having an eye exam and found out I was in very bad shape vision-wise. I scheduled an appointment with a retina specialist.
June brought a lot of pain, physically, emotionally and mentally. I had almost $4,000 worth of laser surgery on my eyes to save my sight. It seems to have worked. I won't really know, though, because I no longer have insurance and can no longer afford to go to a doctor. Why no insurance? Because I was laid off from my job.
The nasty thing they did to me was make me work my severance, two weeks, PART TIME. Because of that and the one week waiting period for unemployment I went almost the entire month of July before I had any income. And had to wait until two days before Christmas for congress to extend the unemployment filing deadlines to get an extension. I will now have benefits through May, 2012 and by then congress should have come to some conclusion so I can get further benefits. Unless I am lucky enough to get a job before then.
In 6 months I have applied for 38 jobs. I do not apply for a job unless it pays more than unemployment since that is just barely enough to pay my bills. I have had tests and interviews and still nothing. I know some of my problem is the way I look - most places don't want a short, fat, plain lady over 50. In the beginning I was terrible at interviews and asked stupid questions. I hadn't had to interview for a job since 2001, 10 years ago. Now I'm better. I try to be more serious and direct and hopefully eventually I will get a job. I have an interview January 3rd for a job which is about 45 minutes away but it pays well and would afford commuting costs.
I believe God did this to me to bring me back to Him. To restore my faith and remind me that He is always there and will provide but I need to have faith and hope. It's worked.
I have found out who my real friends are and who really cares about me. I know that no matter what I am better off not being at the law office. It was stressful and I was not treated very well although the benefits and pay were good. It certainly didn't make up for being snarled at or sneered at or treated with disrespect and to be frank, nobody deserves that kind of nasty treatment. I did nothing wrong. And now I won't be punished for anything from them again. God slammed that door in my face for a good reason. At some point I will have a job, maybe not as well compensated financially, but I will have a job where I am treated like a human being with feelings, with respect, with decency. The joke is sadly true - what do you call a lawyer at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
I spent Thanksgiving and Christmas with Susan and her family. I had lunch with Amy on my birthday. Tammy and I email but as her duties at work increase we can't do that as often and I haven't seen her in a while. But these local friends help me stay together. My dear friend Jeannie who has known me since I was 17 sent me a Christmas present that made my heart swell and my smile wide. Torse, another longtime friend, calls to check up on me, too.
I do not have a job but I have many blessings. I have family and friends, unemployment income to help me until I find a job. God will bless me with the right job, hopefully before unemployment runs out.
I have faith and hope. I have a roof over my head, warm clothing, food in the fridge, coffee in the pot, yarn and needles and hooks to craft and a car that may look worn but works well. I have music in my soul. I have love coming in and going out. I am truly blessed. The job is the only missing blessing but I know that will come in time.
It has not been the year I anticipated. I thought turning 55 would be continuing down the path not starting over. But if this is what God has planned for me I can't do anything but go along with it and accept that He knows best. Apparently I needed some major changes and that has happened. Maybe now I am ready for the best that is yet to be. I hope so.
May 2012 bring everyone love, enlightenment, happiness and prosperity. Count your blessings every day, several times a day if you can, and remember them. Hold them in your heart and mind. And remember - even when you feel alone and unloved God is there holding your hand and loving you. Really. I know that now.
posted by The Mutant Penguin Herself @ 11:03 AM
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