Holiday Spirit
All the packages but one have been mailed. I have all the presents made I absolutely MUST have done. I have two more I may make but they're optional. I put up some of my decorations. I hauled them all in from the sheds (I have 2 for storage!) on Thanksgiving morning because it was sunny and warm and I hate doing it in bad weather. Everything got moved into the extra bedroom. I have the coffee table by my loveseat done, the kitchen table and the one section of the counter that I always chock full of stuff (all my flat surfaces are usually that way). I find that by not decorating a couple of places that were decorated last year, I have a lot more stuff than I could possibly need. Which brings me to the tree.
It's sitting in the long box in the other bedroom right next to the big tote with all the decorations. It's one of those "umbrella" trees with the lights already on it. I thought that I bought it last year but then when I started to think about it, it was 2 years ago. I forget about the first year because that's the year Ally and Sean got married and I went to Vegas for the wedding and hardly spent any time looking at my tree. Easy to forget.
So since it takes no more than 5 minutes to put it up, why is the tree still in the box?
That is the question I ask myself about fifteen times a day. Why? What is holding me back from doing it? The thought of having to move all of my yarn and baskets with yarn and crafty stuff from in front of the big livingroom window and moving it all into the other room? Is it the thought that it's 5 minutes to get up, 2 hours to decorate and nobody much sees it but me? Or is it something else? The resurgence of old issues. The idea that Matt is going to be born probably before Christmas? The missing my own Christmas baby, Shannon? Oh, I think those two things are a really big part of why I am having trouble getting into Christmas. I feel so much more alone this year. I don't know why. I have tons of friends and a wonderful family that invites me to spend my holidays with them.
Why is this Christmas so hard?
Why can't I bring myself to put up the tree?
Perhaps after going to the craft fair this weekend with friends I will come home, bake cookies, put on "Rudolph" and then I will be able to bring myself to put up the tree. After all, it will be December 1st tomorrow.
Oh yes, being hugless in Chico is part of the problem. And why it'll be great to see my friends Saturday. They're huggers. :)
If I do not get past this and put the tree up this weekend, I am hauling it back into the shed no matter what the weather. I can't bear to be in the house knowing it's in there asking me, "Why am I not up yet?"
This doesn't feel like it's going to be a good Christmas year this year. I haven't had one of these in a long time. Oh wait... it just dawned on me that Shannon would have been 20 this year. Maybe I *do* know what's wrong. Wish I just knew what I could do to get past it.
Suggestions anyone?
It's sitting in the long box in the other bedroom right next to the big tote with all the decorations. It's one of those "umbrella" trees with the lights already on it. I thought that I bought it last year but then when I started to think about it, it was 2 years ago. I forget about the first year because that's the year Ally and Sean got married and I went to Vegas for the wedding and hardly spent any time looking at my tree. Easy to forget.
So since it takes no more than 5 minutes to put it up, why is the tree still in the box?
That is the question I ask myself about fifteen times a day. Why? What is holding me back from doing it? The thought of having to move all of my yarn and baskets with yarn and crafty stuff from in front of the big livingroom window and moving it all into the other room? Is it the thought that it's 5 minutes to get up, 2 hours to decorate and nobody much sees it but me? Or is it something else? The resurgence of old issues. The idea that Matt is going to be born probably before Christmas? The missing my own Christmas baby, Shannon? Oh, I think those two things are a really big part of why I am having trouble getting into Christmas. I feel so much more alone this year. I don't know why. I have tons of friends and a wonderful family that invites me to spend my holidays with them.
Why is this Christmas so hard?
Why can't I bring myself to put up the tree?
Perhaps after going to the craft fair this weekend with friends I will come home, bake cookies, put on "Rudolph" and then I will be able to bring myself to put up the tree. After all, it will be December 1st tomorrow.
Oh yes, being hugless in Chico is part of the problem. And why it'll be great to see my friends Saturday. They're huggers. :)
If I do not get past this and put the tree up this weekend, I am hauling it back into the shed no matter what the weather. I can't bear to be in the house knowing it's in there asking me, "Why am I not up yet?"
This doesn't feel like it's going to be a good Christmas year this year. I haven't had one of these in a long time. Oh wait... it just dawned on me that Shannon would have been 20 this year. Maybe I *do* know what's wrong. Wish I just knew what I could do to get past it.
Suggestions anyone?
posted by The Mutant Penguin Herself @ 8:08 PM
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