Wrong Words

I am an adult. I know better. But sometimes I just can't help it. I say the wrong words. Words that hurt. Words that come back to haunt me. I am trying to deal with the pain of having the words sent back to me and feeling the impact they must have had when I originally said them to who heard them.

I live alone. My family is a long ways off. Sometimes I get so lonely it is almost unbearable. I have friends, and friends who are like family. But it doesn't always fill that hole in my heart.

I have no excuse for what I said. I can promise, however, that I will not ever say this to another living soul again. The hurtful words were along this line: Since I live alone, if I don't hae any plans for the weekend, I could come home from work on a Friday afternoon and die and nobody would know until Monday when I didn't show up for work.

Oh how terrible a thing! I can feel that way but I should never say it. When I didn't return a call from my daughter, she called me back because she was afraid something had happened to me.

I cried a lot that night. And since.

Sometimes being an adult doesn't stop you from being stupid.

I'm sorry to everyone who ever had to hear me say that... I never will again. No matter what.